Reclaiming Lost Sexuality
by Evalena Rose, M.A.

For far too many women, sexuality is a battleground between the past and the present. Touch and closeness trigger memories of past touch that was wounding or, for those who've been violated, devastating. Centuries of repression of the feminine make intimacy difficult for many women as little of our natural, spontaneous and joyful sexuality remain.

Too often, our loved ones instilled fear and distrust of intimacy, a realm where trust is essential. Even if a family's touch is healthy, messages that separate us from our bodies abound in this culture where intimacy is little understood. We struggle to own our sexuality again and find our passion, or try to get by without it (who needs it anyway!) to avoid the pain and confusion.

Having been wounded repeatedly myself, I found therapy not enough to bring me home to myself. It helped heal the past wounds, but I still didn't know how to create an adult sexuality or allow the deep connection and soul contact I yearned for. Discovering the path of Tantra over a decade ago allowed me to unravel the wounds from my body and psyche and open to connecting sexually on my own terms. I discovered my wholeness behind the wounds and felt initiated into arts that have been lost since the ancient temples were taken from us.

Recovery from incest paralleled opening to a deeper sexuality and releasing bonds that strangled my passion. Sometimes old emotions would surface, but this ancient healing path that honors both the dark and the light had space for my pain and anger. I was supported in healing by those who also coaxed forward my goddess nature and full range of expression. Being in a community of caring people gave me the sense of healthy family nurturing my growth (finally!).

Sexual invasions, especially those in childhood split the psyche asunder and create chaos and confusion in one's sexuality. It is either blocked off or open without boundaries, sometimes vacillating from one to the other. This shows up in various ways: promiscuity or being shut down sexually, being able to flirt and seduce but not sustain intimacy, objectifying self and other, or rushing to get sex over with to return to safer ground.

The survivor may strive to offer what is wanted, be who you think the other seeks, and not be present, even to yourself, to know what you want -- let alone ask for it. Serving as therapist with women recovering from such wounds, I find that to fully release the dysfunctional pattern, one must acquire new behaviors and attitudes, the kind that encourage and allow healthy relationships.

Even women not overtly wounded come from a society that rarely teaches relationship and communication skills, one that devalues emotional intimacy while over-valuing facades. Women are told how to look and behave, not taught how to fulfill their needs and satisfy their longings. In ancient times, we were initiated in the arts of sustaining sacred relationships in the safety of temples with trained priestesses helping us open. I wanted to bring back such safe settings and the lost arts of intimacy that ought to be natural.

I've felt drawn, and somehow assigned by Spirit, to help coalesce a community of women engaged in discovering their true nature and entering into a sacred, positive relationship with their sexuality. By learning these tools in the safety of loving circles of women, each gains positive mirrors while exploring her inner world and healthy uses of sexual energy.

I'm thrilled to see a community of women gathering around this work, for reclaiming one's sexuality is a complicated, on-going process that needs the support of sisters over time. Its a joy to see women blossoming under the praise and caring of others as they learn ways of being that allow sexuality to become the source of pleasure and connection it's meant to be. Old coping mechanisms are dropped as more authentic ways of connecting are adopted.

Single women find their sexuality no longer dependent on others or determined by another's needs, as they become more beloved with themselves. Sharing the practices within safe boundaries, women gain experience in healthy ways to relate that make their next relationship more fulfilling. Since they get some needs for touch and sensuality met without having to be sexual, they'll put less pressure on a future partner to fulfill every need.

Couples doing the work together gain tools for moving beyond blocks and revitalize their connection, accessing deeper passions and achieving greater states of ecstasy. The practices are wonderful ways to achieve altered states as well as full body, extended orgasm, either energetically or physically.

Together we can take our sexual power back and discover ways home to our bodies. Together we can reclaim full ownership of our sexuality and the capacity to ask for and let in what we want. Together we can restore the full power of the feminine and live within it. Blessed Be.